Hey, fellow white woman
Hey, fellow white woman with an online business,
Let’s not get vitriolic when it comes to white women fucking up online.
For those of us on the sidelines watching a famous influencer mess up online inevitably causing harm, let’s be hyper-aware that this is not a spectator sport.
I found myself in that trap this week. I posted numerous times about the shit show that unfolded. It did, as these things can, make me feel like I less of a fuck up than her.
But today, I’m hyper-aware that what unfolded was an invitation, a premonition, a reflection of all of us who are in the online business world, who are white, and who identify as female.
We may not be influencers, and yet, we are not that different.
This most recent episode of ‘Another Influencer Screws Up An Apology’ (preceded by many others over the last few years) is an invitation to start doing anti-racism and decolonization work. It should be a part of our business practices just like marketing, finances, and vision planning.
And if it’s not already, I invite you to ask yourself why that is.
When people at this level in the online influencer world screw up, it allows us to distance ourselves from them despite the fact that if we were fans or following them, a part of us truly desires to be just like them. It may be unconscious, and if we're honest with ourselves, it’s true.
We recognize that we are like them in many ways - white, female, business owner, mom, dog owner, cook, partner, friend, and so forth.
And a part of us also recognizes that they are, in fact, a ‘better version’ of us - by contemporary cultural standards. Our narcissism gets in the way [with apologies to Laura Mulvey].
They’re more beautiful and sexier than us.
They’re more athletic and have better clothes.
They’re happier, more successful, more recognizable, more polished, more available, more interesting, more organized, more experienced, more famous. They’re just MORE than we are.
A part of us also recognizes that we will never be like them.
And once this realization settles in, well, the conditioning of patriarchy and colonialism takes hold. It’s the belief that everything exists in paradoxes and opposition and this is how it manifests:
If I can’t be like them, well then, I am nothing.
Oof.
So when they inevitably screw up, we are finally given an opportunity to say “AHA, I KNEW IT. You ARE a fraud (just like me)!”
But here’s the truth, fellow online business humans, our opportunity to be both OURSELVES and INTEGRITY-DRIVEN resides in our ability to lead with our hearts, honour our values and consistently ask ourselves difficult questions. It’s the ‘more’ that we’re actually after.
We do this by engaging with and hiring Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion facilitators.
We do this by actively partaking in anti-racism work.
We do this by consciously and actively decolonizing our mindset.
We do this by consistently acknowledging our own unearned privilege.
We do this through self-reflection and personal accountability.
We do this through active listening.
And none of this can be done alone, folks. This I know to be true.
If we truly want to differentiate ourselves from online business influencers we must first turn our attention inwards and do the work within our own businesses before turning our attention, our embarrassment, our othering onto someone else.
We may not be like these big-time women influencers, and yet, we are.
Below are some resources for DEI, anti-racism and decolonization facilitators, coaches and humans who can support us in this work. These are all folks that I’ve worked with or am currently learning from. If you aren’t sure where to start, explore what these women are offering and prioritize investing in their work.
Pulxaneeks Love - www.indigenousrelationsconsultation.com
Desiree Adaway - adawaygroup.com
Leesa Renee Hall - www.instagram.com/leesareneehall/
Ta7talíya Michelle Nahanee - decolonizeeverything.org
If there’s someone that you absolutely think that I should be learning from, send me an email or a message me on Instagram.