I’m feeling a bit nervous about claiming a word this year. In the past I’ve had some profound changes and experiences due to that process, however, three years ago I chose the word Joy in a somewhat desperate attempt to feel, well, better.

It was about this time of year that I decided I needed more Yoy. The previous year had been somewhat difficult and I had come to believe that maybe I didn't know what Joy felt like.

So I claimed it. Joy.

A month later a friend of over 20 years with whom I had traveled through Europe died suddenly and unexpectedly.

Two and half months after that my beloved dog of 11 years died as I sang to her.

Then I moved out of the city I’d called home for 10 years into a small community with no real plan and a ton of trust.

And then, on the Autumn Equinox, another woman I cared about died.

One might think that in the midst of all the grief Joy would be elusive. And on many days it was.

Then there were days in which I would allow myself to feel the depth of my sorrow. When I did this these micro-moments of extreme Joy would somehow counterbalance the sadness. I would recall the sound of my friend’s voice or a piece of advice. I would close my eyes and smell the sweet, musty scent of my girl’s coat. I would recall a moment that would launch me into sweet memories that would illicit big tears of Joy. I learned that year that Joy and grief are the same emotion in a way. An emotional release of deep, deep love for self and others.

So yes, it was in a way a year about Joy, but not in the way that I thought. That Joy came with a lot of pain, and it’s left me a bit shy to claim the word that has been niggling at me the last little bit.

Here’s what I know: It really does make a difference to my human experience when I have an anchor to tether me to myself. In fact, for me it’s is everything.

So, with some trepidation my word this year is Self-Reverence. I know that I may not be grateful for every experience that asks me to explore self-reverence, and I also know that come December 31, 2022, I will be grateful for all of the ways in which I learned about what it means to be in reverence to myself.